Other Crazy Navy Wives

My first experience with a Wife I decided I didn't want to be friends with!

Shortly after arriving in Japan I learn that I will have to take a special week long orientation course as well as a day long driving course in order to obtain my SOFA (Status Of Forces Agreement) license to drive. I was excited because another Navy wife I became friends with back in San Diego, said thats one of the ways she made some friends on her base. So I was looking forward to getting out of the house and getting some baby free time to make some friends. Then I learned that one of the guys from my husbands command, would have his wife in the same class as me. I was excited at first because I thought this would be a great opportunity to meet another wife and I had heard she was closer to my age which I thought would be great. The first day of class was the day I learned we probably wouldn't be that good of friends. She showed up 20 minutes late to class because she just had to go to the minimart and pick up some snacks  and it made her late. But she seemed nice and I had just met her so I wanted to reserve judgement until I got a better feel for her. As the week went on I started to learn that we were on very different levels in life. But I was so desperate for friendship I figured it couldn't hurt to try to be friends with her since we are both new here, we are both new Navy wives and we both have young kids (hers is older than mine but still young) plus I figured since our husbands work together I might as well be friends. 

Later that week we had to take a "field trip" with people in our class. Since our husbands had spent the week at home with the babies and we had become friendly we decided we would take our field trip together and our husbands could meet us at the train station and the 4 of us could venture out together. And so we did. We went to China town. (I know the idea of a China town in Japan is odd but real nonetheless). 

I was excited! My first family outing on the train and we were finally getting out and doing some sightseeing, plus it wasn't 95 with 100% humidity. Anyway we got off the train and had to walk a few blocks to China town. To get there we walked through this high end shopping district which I was not even close to interested in looking at because they cost way too much and they don't even have plus size so why waste my time? Besides I am just taking everything in an enjoying the day out with my husband. From the side I hear this little country voice say, "I can't wait til we get to China town! I'm trying to get me some knock offs! You know knock off Louis and Coach! I'm trying to get it for cheap!" I looked at my husband and we both shared a quiet chuckle and kept walking. I had no expectations of what China town would be like since I had never even been to one in the states. I was just looking forward to some Chinese food (a change of pace to the Japanese cuisine we had been consuming at each time we went off base) and maybe see something new and exciting I never seen before.  And trust me when I say I saw something I never seen before! 

So we walked through China town looking in different little shops at knick knacks and "authentic" Chinese things (none of which we thought we needed but were fun to look at). We tried street vendor food which was delicious by the way. We bough these little pouches of pork. I have no idea what they are called or really what was in it but they tasted good so when we walked by another street vendor selling them bought them again. They looked kind of like a those little pizza rolls you get from the frozen food section of the grocery store but a little bit bigger and they are deep fried and filled with some sort of meat that I'm almost 100% certain was pork but they were so good it could have been anything and I would still eat them. Back to the point. After walking and looking at all these different Chinese shops we decide its time for lunch. Olivia was starting  to get fussy and my stomach was starting to growl so loud it was darn near cussing me out for not eating lol. After walking past several restaurants we finally decide on one and go in and sit down. 

Here is where the craziness begins!!! We are sitting at the table looking at the menu trying to decide which picture looks most appetizing since we don't speak or read Chinese or Japanese (not really sure which language the menu was in but I suspect Japanese). The other wife takes her baby who is about 16 months old to the bath room which is directly behind my chair and its not a restroom like what you might expect. This is a toilet with a sink next to it behind a sliding wood door (similar to those cheap wood sliding closet doors that never stayed on the track like I had at my house as a kid). Next thing we know we her son screaming at the top of his lungs and her country voice telling him to shut up. The restaurant was extremely small, what most would say is smaller than a hole in the wall lollil irritated at me for pointing it out to her. (I was just trying to help her out since she was starting to irritate the waitress and embarrass me.) Finally she ordered this huge lunch platter that had a little bit of everything on it. I thought for sure she would find something on there that she liked and would be satisfied but to my surprise I was completely wrong.  

While we waited for our food the next embarrassing event occurred. Her curious lil man seemed to have more energy than she was willing to put up with because as he was standing on the booth seat next to her bouncing up and down she snapped at him to sit (as if giving a command to a dog). When he refused she spanked him right then and there, in the middle of this tiny little restaurant, in front of all these quiet Japanese patrons who are now staring at us as if we are barbarians without an ounce of civility in us. At this point I have become great friends with the table and the silverware and condiments on it because I refuse to look up and acknowledge that any of this is actually happening. 

Not only is she allergic to 90% of everything edible (ok this is a severe exaggeration but it literally took her several minutes to name all the foods she is allergic to and then another minute to add in the items their son is allergic to on top of that.) but she is incredibly picky. She refused to try half the stuff on her plate, and then out of the stuff she was willing to try she could actually only eat about half of that because the rest contained products she might be allergic to. After picking over her food she finally ordered her starving baby some chicken. (he fussed the entire time I was trying to eat because his parents didn't order him anything.) The crazy part about this is that the wife acted irritated after the waitress didn't understand what she wanted. 

Thats not even where the story ends. As we walked the rest of China town this poor child was spanked again on the street corner where we endured more stares and looks of scorn. This has turned out to be the most embarrassing day in Japan yet. (Even more so than the very first day we got here and I am pushing a  stroller with a crying infant and pulling a cart with 4 very large suitcases on it through customs at the airport.) Anyhow this child doesn't seem to listen very well and thus the reason for this spanking. My husband and I stopped at the this booth right on the sidewalk (just outside this China shop...real china you know the kind you eat off and collect) where this man was painting Name pictures for money. I thought they were pretty cool so my husband agreed to let me get one. As we were waiting for the man to finish the painting this child keeps running into the China shop and his mother is not even watching him. He almost broke this statue on the floor but I grabbed him in time. His mom told him not to go in there and then turned around and started yapping about trying to find the bootleg stores so she could get her knock off purse. Before you know it he was back in the store and this time the dad caught him and just when he was about to say something to the kid the mom ordered that he be put down. She picked him up and as she walked just a few steps away you could hear the "pop pop pop!" of her hand hitting his little legs and then his cry rang out! It seemed at that moment as if time had stopped. Every person stopped and looked. They stared and gave these horrible disapproving looks at not only her and her husband but also at us as if to say, "We don't do that here. That's unacceptable. Please make her stop." 

Now I am all about spanking. I think it is a necessary tool in the tool belt of parents but should only be used in appropriate times and settings. I do believe in sparing the rod and breaking the child as the Good Book says. (I am definitely against child abuse though and it is a fine line). However, I do believe that there is an appropriate time and place for it and in public is never one of them. At the time that this took place I had only been in Japan for about a month and a half. I still knew very little of the culture but in the class that week we had already learned that the Japanese are a very quiet people; they keep to themselves and expect the same in return. They don't show affection in public (and from what one of the Japanese instructors told us they don't really show affection at all even at home.) so it seems logical that they don't spank or even reprimand their children in public. I'm not really sure if discipline is even necessary in their culture because they are such respectful people (and it is clear this is taught at a young age); not just respectful to their parents but maintaining good behavior is how they respect their ancestors and their entire family, and keep from disgracing them. What I do know for sure is that from the looks on the onlookers faces alone I know that spanking (at least in public) is very much frowned upon. 

What's more puzzling about the situation and even the entire day was that the wife seemed to not notice the looks of disapproval and even commented that she "gonna make her baby behave no matter what!" as if spanking him was working; which I will tell you right now it wasn't. Her husband seemed to be frustrated by the entire situation as well and it appeared as though they were not working as a parental team but if that works for them, hey great, but not in my household. 

After leaving China town we got back on the train and headed home. As we walked through his huge train station where we had to change train lines their son suddenly stopped walking and just sat on the floor, during "rush hour" at the train station. If you read my previous blog then you already know about the population here and that there is always a lot of people everywhere but its chaos during the "rush hour" time when people get off work. The little boy remains seated on the floor as his parents continued walking not even noticing his absence from them. I stopped and tried to coax him into walking with us and even offered him a ride in the stroller since I figured his little legs were tired. (Hell mine were and I'm an adult so I know a toddler who had walked the same distance as I had that day had to be physically exhausted too.) But to no avail. He was sitting on that floor and was not moving. When I tried to pick him up he screamed so then I had to get his parents attention. They chose the "yell from here" method of parenting and yelled his name through the train station and threatened to leave him there if he didn't "come on right now!" When he didn't budge they started walking again and just let him sit there. As a concerned parent (no matter how safe you tell me Japan is I'm not leaving a baby in a train station) stood there and continued to try to coax him to keep going because we were headed home when finally his mother reappeared and swiftly picked him up by one arm and told him to walk or she would drag him. He got dragged for only two or so steps before he complied. After that we parted ways and we decided to wander around this train station (It has a mall inside of it). We took the long route to our next train looking at different stores and even stopping to buy some cookies from this little bakery. The cookies were pretty good might I add. I think the couple caught and  earlier train than we did. And as we explored our new town we laughed and joked about how the big lesson learned that day was that that couple would not be our "Off base" friends.  For that we would stick with people who had parenting styles more similar to ours and with a little more "worldliness" about them that would keep us from getting embarrassed so much. 

I just want to say that in defense of the couple and specifically the wife that I spoke about in this blog. They are both young. He is just barely 24 and she just 22. They are young in age and in their marriage and she just got out of the Navy herself so she is adjusting to the life of just being a wife not active duty. (but when I found this out I was incredibly shocked to see her lack of knowledge and respect for other cultures.) In any event they are a nice young couple just not the type of people we are used to hanging around. 

Many of you reading this blog will probably think I am extremely judgmental and may even say I am bougie. In that case, yes I am. I guess you have to be in the situation to truly understand it. And I admit to being judgmental. We all are, but not everyone voices their judgments. And I do have my bougie moments too. I am not denying any of this. When I told my mother this story and I defended this couple by saying they are young and then told her their ages my mom said, "thats not that much younger than you." I said i know and before I could even get out the rest of my sentence my mom interrupted and said, "but you were 25 when you were 18 so in terms of maturity and life experiences you are much older." I am not blowing my own horn here but thats just the reality of the situation. Anyhow please stay tuned for the next blogisode (yup i just made that up like George W. Bush lol its a mix between blog and episode lol) of the Real House Wife of the Navy.