Well it has been a long while since my last post. My apologies. Life has kept me so busy. Let me recap what has happened since my last post. My older sister came to visit me here in Japan. This was a fun time to finally have someone from my family here. Olivia turned 1 and we had a huge celebration for her. My sister did a great job as the aunty by spoiling Olivia completely rotten. I was sad to see my sister leave but a few days later she was engaged and made plans to move to Okinawa. Although I don't necessarily agree with her decision to move to a foreign country without the benefit of being a military wife she is an adult and I trust that she can make sound decisions. Many of my navy wife friends have expressed the same concern for her that I have but like I have said to my sister many times, you can't understand until you have been there. I genuinely hope she has a far better experience in Japan than I have had but maybe actually being in the situation she will understand what I was trying to tell her. Anyhow I am so excited for her that she has finally found "the one." I can't wait for them to be married so she can embark down the path of trying to get pregnant and start a family. Although she got luckier than me. She will never actually be a military spouse. This does not take anything away from her. In fact I am a little bit jealous. She will never have to endure a deployment or the sleepless nights or sleeping with her phone on her pillow so as not to miss a phone call, or waking up to an empty side of the bed, or constantly checking her email to see if he emailed her. But don't get me wrong, I am proud of the work my husband does and although being a navy wife isn't always easy its always worth it.
Only two weeks after my sister left then my husbands parents arrived. Unfortunately things didn't go so well. For the sake of my marriage I will just leave it at that and say that I am glad my husband go to spend time with them but I am glad they are gone. But I will also note that I am not a very good hostess. I love having people over and hosting parties and get-togethers but anything over a few hours and I start to feel anxious and have a strong urge to kick people out but I have better manners than that so it's easier for me to just not like the visitor(s) anymore and try to get them to leave. I know I am a horrible person. In my defense I'm half crazy and my apartment is small and when people stay at my house I have nowhere to retreat to that is my own private space. I know that's no excuse but in my mind it works.
Since then I have completed my law degree and began planning to take the bar in Washington state in February of next year. Things have simply just gone by too fast. Olivia is no longer a baby but now a beautiful curious little toddler who has a personality and mind all her own. I have no idea where the time went. It seems like just yesterday she was born and then we were moving to Japan. I can remember so much of it so clearly. In a years time my life has changed so much and taken me for such a ride.
Today I have lived in Japan for a year now and quite honestly I haven't seen much but I am totally over it. I know that this is just my Ethnocentrism getting the best of me, but in all honesty living in a foreign country where you don't speak the same language is incredibly difficult. Luckily we live on base so there is some touch of America here but it's not the same at all. And what makes it even more difficult is that although the Japanese are very family oriented the country is not. Well that's not exactly the truth. Honestly I don't know exactly how everything works but what I am finding out is that in public not nothing is uniform and this sucks!!! There are often no elevators or even escalators for us to use to get around with a stroller. Several times we have had to carry Olivia's stroller up stairs or even worse carry the stroller up the stairs while she is in it asleep. I thought that living in a foreign country would be so exciting and adventurous. I thought it would be fun and make us "worldly" but in reality all it has done is make us miserable and strained my marriage beyond imagine.
I have learned that I was not built to be a stay at home mom/wife. I am bored 95% of the time, and the rest of the time I spend daydreaming about the time when I will get to go back to the states and go back to working. I was raised to be an independent woman who can take care of herself and her family on her own. Yes I know how to cook and clean but that is not what I was designed to do. From the time I was very little I was trained to work hard and always do for myself. I was taught to be loving and kind and nurturing but never to sit at home. I have a J.D. (Juris Doctor) degree and although I love spending quality time with my daughter, I am going batshit crazy sitting at home all day long every day. My brain is not wired for such mental laziness. My brain needs stimulation and challenge. Right now the only challenge I experience is the challenge to remain calm while chasing a small child around my living room screaming for absolutely no reason other than she can. And let me tell you this is not the kind of challenge I want or need. If you know me you know that patience is tranquility are not my strong suits. My husband is certain I have the worst case of ADHD he's ever seen and he is probably right. Regardless everyday that I spend at home watching Sesame Street with Olivia and trying to entertain her I feel my brain slowly turning to a mush of the applesauce variety ;). But soon I will begin bar prep and my mind will begin being challenged in a new way that only other bar takers can understand. I don't know what's sicker? Me being excited for studying for the bar or looking forward to the challenge. I'm sure if my law school friends read this they are going to think I am completely off my rocker but thats ok. That's what happens after you spend time living in Japan where nothing seems to make sense.
What's really sad is the fact that I have come to realize that I super suck at being a stay at home mom/wife. I hate cleaning and the fact that my husband takes for granted the fact that I can cook and for the most part enjoy cooking has started to widdle away at my love for cooking and has made me start to hate it.
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