Life Changes

So it has been a long while since my last blog. My how time flies. Where do I start? Well lets see here. Now a quick life update. I graduated from law school last August (man that was a year ago), and in February took the Washington state bar and in April found out I passed! In June we found out we are expecting our second child due in February. And just a few weeks ago my older sister finally tied the knot!

Life changes. It changes us who are living it and things in life change. Plans change. Circumstances change and well life is forever changing. Change cannot be stop merely accepted and either welcomed or fought against but regardless it happens. Life has changed me. Being a parent has changed me. It has made me happier than I thought I could ever be but has also given me strength and highlighted my weaknesses. Being a parent has shown me that not everyone should be a parent, and that I am very sensitive  to other peoples' parenting, whether good or bad. But I have also learned that when it comes to being a parent I am not the one who is over protective (thats my husband) but that in many ways I am very conservative. I take issue with people who fail to put the needs of their child first, and have found that I have extreme feelings about single parents. I come from a loving home where my parents were (and still are) married. Admittedly I have no experience as a single parent but I can say that as a parent being a parent is an incredibly difficult job one that I would never want to do on my own. Luckily my husband is a wonderful husband and the world's best father. I'm not putting down any single parents but I do want to say this: If you are a single parent regardless of how you got there (death, divorce, one night stand, with the exception of rape) you should under no circumstances talk bad about the other parent to the child. I believe that whether the parents are together in a romantic relationship or not, it is their duty to have an amicable relationship and work together to accomplish the best interest of the child. I know its not always possible but that should always be the goal and should be sought after all the time. Raising one kid with my husband is incredibly hard, I can't even imagine doing it without help. Life Changes.

Life changes. Priorities change. If you had asked me 5 years ago my life goals I would have told you that I was going to finish law school, take and pass the bar and start my own practice. Today the goals are the same but they also include keeping my family together and supporting my husband's career as well. Five years ago having a husband and family was not even on my radar let alone a priority. Life changes us. Last year and even 6 months ago we thought that we would be getting orders to Washington state where I could start my practice or at least find a legal career and be closer to my parents. Today we know we will be moving to Virginia where my husband has taken orders to a ship being built there. Although this was not our plan, I have learned over the last 3 years that when you are married to the Navy your plans are merely a back up plan to what the navy has planned. However, despite our reservations about going to Virginia, I have to admit that I am a bit excited to be living closer to my sister Felicia. And I am a little bit excited about living on the east coast. I have never been to the east coast so I am looking forward to our new exciting adventure. As much as my husband hates Virginia, he made this decision to keep our family together as long as possible. Deployments are hard on me and I don't  even want to think about how it is going to affect Olivia. Every morning she wakes up and asks for her daddy and I am dreading the day that I have to explain to her that daddy has go to work and he won't be home for 8-12 months. The thought alone breaks my heart. And even more disappointing I will have to take the Virginia state bar when we get there. I am so sad and a bit scared that I have to take another bar exam. But that is the sacrifice I am making to support the morale of my family and my husband's career. Life changes.

Life changes. They say people come in your life for a reason and a season. They help teach you things about yourself. Sometimes those lessons are what a good friend looks like, or what you are not willing to deal with in your life. Earlier in my life I had a lot of tolerance for drama. Whether it be in other people's lives or my own. Although I never like drama directed at me it was often more interesting than nothing and my life has always seemed a bit boring, and we all love a good soap opera right?! Well once I got serious about my law school career I realized I had no time for drama, of anyones. I no longer thrive on the drama of other people's lives. Hell that's what I watch the real housewives series for. Those rich people have drama that is in a league of their own and it makes my life seems like a piece of cake. But when it comes to the people I know, I don't want or need the drama. My life is chaotic as it is and throwing in drama only makes it worse. Heres a few tips I have learned from life. THere are warning signs everyone should see if they want to avoid the shit starters. Here they are: 1. a person talks a lot, especially about other people, 2. they like gossip (to tell it and to hear it), and 3. this is the most important, the person uses a divide and conquer tactic. This is hard to recognize because they are constantly claiming so and so is always talking about you. You don't even realize that they are intentionally pitting you against others whom you are friendly with and have no issues with but they have had some small issue that they have turned into a large issue. This can be better recognized if you notice they are trying to build an army; they want soldiers not friends. You know the type. They want people who will be incredibly loyal to them no matter what and when that loyalty is diminished in any capacity they are no longer part of this person's army better known as friend or circle. Now if you have time for the drama or you thrive on it this is the kind of person you want to associate with but be warned they can and will turn on you at any given moment and you could very easily be their next target. For me this is not the kind of person or people I want in my life nor do I have the time for it so I am cutting them out. I would much rather have people building me up not busy tearing me down in my life. Sadly as a navy wife I have encountered so many people like this in my life and more often than not they are other navy wives.  Life changes.

Life changes. If you know me, you know that I have no problem telling you whats on my mind whether its my family members or some stranger who looked at me crazy or gave me piss poor customer service. But having to live overseas on a military base everything is linked to my husband. Our cars, our housing, our childcare, our medical coverage, even buying tour packages they are all linked to my husbands name. When I first got here the first warning I got from my husband was that I had to watch everything that I said or did because it is a small base and you never know who is married to the base captain or the admiral or the base command master chief etc. etc. and that all of my indiscretions here have a direct impact on his career so watch what I say and do. Having said all that  life changes and in my life I have learned to tame my tongue. Many may feel like I haven't but for those who know me well, know that I have come a long way! There have been so many times that I have wanted to give some random people on base a piece of my mind but have decided against it because I don't ever want things to come back on my husband. This ties into getting rid of the drama. Life changes.

Life changes. Ten/eleven years ago I was in high school and if asked I would have told you I thought my mom was crazy! Well I say the same thing now but then I had no understanding of what it takes to be a mom or what it is like to be an adult in general. We hardly got along and if left alone together for an extended period of time would eat each other alive. I was a teenager who was too smart for my own good. Today  I have a new love and appreciation for my mother. Although she still nags me about stuff I think should be of no concern of hers, and she deliberately irritates the hell out of me just to get a rise out of me because she has nothing better to day with her time (I know she does this because she has admitted to doing it and I have seen her in action doing it to my father on a regular basis), I still love her and can say that although I have only an inkling of an idea of what it takes to be a mother as good as her or what she had to deal with I have a new found respect for her. I probably don't tell her enough or show her the way I should but I hope that she knows it. Being a parent is incredibly difficult and currently I only have 1 kid with another on the way. She had 4 and we never got along. Hell we still don't. If left unattended for any period of time, the 4 of us will eat each other alive! We love each other so much and have fought for so long that I believe that this is how we have learned to communicate with one another. Sick and dysfunctional I know but its the truth and we can only grow from learning the truth and accepting it. The point being here, that it takes a lot to raise 4 kids; 3 successful daughters and a son who may not be quite as successful but cares deeply about our mom and in general has a good heart (which I guess is actually a success in it of itself). Although she had help from my father whom she is still married to (although the happily part is sometimes questionable lol), we all know that it is always the mom who sacrifices the most, puts in the extra work, and gives the most of themselves (unless you are me and have a great husband who is a much better parent). So with this I say life changes.

It's been a long time but now I am back!

Well it has been a long while since my last post. My apologies. Life has kept me so busy. Let me recap what has happened since my last post. My older sister came to visit me here in Japan. This was a fun time to finally have someone from my family here. Olivia turned 1 and we had a huge celebration for her. My sister did a great job as the aunty by spoiling Olivia completely rotten. I was sad to see my sister leave but a few days later she was engaged and made plans to move to Okinawa. Although I don't necessarily agree with her decision to move to a foreign country without the benefit of being a military wife she is an adult and I trust that she can make sound decisions. Many of my navy wife friends have expressed the same concern for her that I have but like I have said to my sister many times, you can't understand until you have been there. I genuinely hope she has a far better experience in Japan than I have had but maybe actually being in the situation she will understand what I was trying to tell her. Anyhow I am so excited for her that she has finally found "the one." I can't wait for them to be married so she can embark down the path of trying to get pregnant and start a family. Although she got luckier than me. She will never actually be a military spouse. This does not take anything away from her. In fact I am a little bit jealous. She will never have to endure a deployment or the sleepless nights or  sleeping with her phone on her pillow so as not to miss a phone call, or waking up to an empty side of the bed, or constantly checking her email to see if he emailed her. But don't get me wrong, I am proud of the work my husband does and although being a navy wife isn't always easy its always worth it.

Only two weeks after my sister left then my husbands parents arrived. Unfortunately things didn't go so well. For the sake of my marriage I will just leave it at that and say that I am glad my husband go to spend time with them but I am glad they are gone. But I will also note that I am not a very good hostess. I love having people over and hosting parties and get-togethers but anything over a few hours and I start to feel anxious and have a strong urge to kick people out but I have better manners than that so it's easier for me to just not like the visitor(s) anymore and try to get them to leave. I know I am a horrible person. In my defense I'm half crazy and my apartment is small and when people stay at my house I have nowhere to retreat to that is my own private space. I know that's no excuse but in my mind it works.

Since then I have completed my law degree and began planning to take the bar in Washington state in February of next year. Things have simply just gone by too fast. Olivia is no longer a baby but now a beautiful curious little toddler who has a personality and mind all her own. I have no idea where the time went. It seems like just yesterday she was born and then we were moving to Japan. I can remember so much of it so clearly. In a years time my life has changed so much and taken me for such a ride.

Today I have lived in Japan for a year now and quite honestly I haven't seen much but I am totally over it. I know that this is just my Ethnocentrism getting the best of me, but in all honesty living in a foreign country where you don't speak the same language is incredibly difficult. Luckily we live on base so there is some touch of America here but it's not the same at all. And what makes it even more difficult is that although the Japanese are very family oriented the country is not. Well that's not exactly the truth. Honestly I don't know exactly how everything works but what I am finding out is that in public not nothing is uniform and this sucks!!! There are often no elevators or even escalators for us to use to get around with a stroller. Several times we have had to carry Olivia's stroller up stairs or even worse carry the stroller up the stairs while she is in it asleep.  I thought that living in a foreign country would be so exciting and adventurous. I thought it would be fun and make us "worldly" but in reality all it has done is make us miserable and strained my marriage beyond imagine.

I have learned that I was not built to be a stay at home mom/wife. I am bored 95% of the time, and the rest of the time I spend daydreaming about the time when I will get to go back to the states and go back to working. I was raised to be an independent woman who can take care of herself and her family on her own. Yes I know how to cook and clean but that is not what I was designed to do. From the time I was very little I was trained to work hard and always do for myself. I was taught to be loving and kind and nurturing but never to sit at home. I have a J.D. (Juris Doctor) degree and although I love spending quality time with my daughter, I am going batshit crazy sitting at home all day long every day. My brain is not wired for such mental laziness. My brain needs stimulation and challenge. Right now the only challenge I experience is the challenge to remain calm while chasing a small child around my living room screaming for absolutely no reason other than she can. And let me tell you this is not the kind of challenge I want or need. If you know me you know that patience is tranquility are not my strong suits. My husband is certain I have the worst case of ADHD he's ever seen and he is probably right. Regardless everyday that I spend at home watching Sesame Street with Olivia and trying to entertain her I feel my brain slowly turning to a mush of the applesauce variety ;).  But soon I will begin bar prep and my mind will begin being challenged in a new way that only other bar takers can understand. I don't know what's sicker? Me being excited for studying for the bar or looking forward to the challenge. I'm sure if my law school friends read this they are going to think I am completely off my rocker but thats ok. That's what happens after you spend time living in Japan where nothing seems to make sense.

What's really sad is the fact that I have come to realize that I super suck at being a stay at home mom/wife. I hate cleaning and the fact that my husband takes for granted the fact that I can cook and for the most part enjoy cooking has started to widdle away at my love for cooking and has made me start to hate it.