So it has been a long while since my last blog. My how time flies. Where do I start? Well lets see here. Now a quick life update. I graduated from law school last August (man that was a year ago), and in February took the Washington state bar and in April found out I passed! In June we found out we are expecting our second child due in February. And just a few weeks ago my older sister finally tied the knot!
Life changes. It changes us who are living it and things in life change. Plans change. Circumstances change and well life is forever changing. Change cannot be stop merely accepted and either welcomed or fought against but regardless it happens. Life has changed me. Being a parent has changed me. It has made me happier than I thought I could ever be but has also given me strength and highlighted my weaknesses. Being a parent has shown me that not everyone should be a parent, and that I am very sensitive to other peoples' parenting, whether good or bad. But I have also learned that when it comes to being a parent I am not the one who is over protective (thats my husband) but that in many ways I am very conservative. I take issue with people who fail to put the needs of their child first, and have found that I have extreme feelings about single parents. I come from a loving home where my parents were (and still are) married. Admittedly I have no experience as a single parent but I can say that as a parent being a parent is an incredibly difficult job one that I would never want to do on my own. Luckily my husband is a wonderful husband and the world's best father. I'm not putting down any single parents but I do want to say this: If you are a single parent regardless of how you got there (death, divorce, one night stand, with the exception of rape) you should under no circumstances talk bad about the other parent to the child. I believe that whether the parents are together in a romantic relationship or not, it is their duty to have an amicable relationship and work together to accomplish the best interest of the child. I know its not always possible but that should always be the goal and should be sought after all the time. Raising one kid with my husband is incredibly hard, I can't even imagine doing it without help. Life Changes.
Life changes. Priorities change. If you had asked me 5 years ago my life goals I would have told you that I was going to finish law school, take and pass the bar and start my own practice. Today the goals are the same but they also include keeping my family together and supporting my husband's career as well. Five years ago having a husband and family was not even on my radar let alone a priority. Life changes us. Last year and even 6 months ago we thought that we would be getting orders to Washington state where I could start my practice or at least find a legal career and be closer to my parents. Today we know we will be moving to Virginia where my husband has taken orders to a ship being built there. Although this was not our plan, I have learned over the last 3 years that when you are married to the Navy your plans are merely a back up plan to what the navy has planned. However, despite our reservations about going to Virginia, I have to admit that I am a bit excited to be living closer to my sister Felicia. And I am a little bit excited about living on the east coast. I have never been to the east coast so I am looking forward to our new exciting adventure. As much as my husband hates Virginia, he made this decision to keep our family together as long as possible. Deployments are hard on me and I don't even want to think about how it is going to affect Olivia. Every morning she wakes up and asks for her daddy and I am dreading the day that I have to explain to her that daddy has go to work and he won't be home for 8-12 months. The thought alone breaks my heart. And even more disappointing I will have to take the Virginia state bar when we get there. I am so sad and a bit scared that I have to take another bar exam. But that is the sacrifice I am making to support the morale of my family and my husband's career. Life changes.
Life changes. They say people come in your life for a reason and a season. They help teach you things about yourself. Sometimes those lessons are what a good friend looks like, or what you are not willing to deal with in your life. Earlier in my life I had a lot of tolerance for drama. Whether it be in other people's lives or my own. Although I never like drama directed at me it was often more interesting than nothing and my life has always seemed a bit boring, and we all love a good soap opera right?! Well once I got serious about my law school career I realized I had no time for drama, of anyones. I no longer thrive on the drama of other people's lives. Hell that's what I watch the real housewives series for. Those rich people have drama that is in a league of their own and it makes my life seems like a piece of cake. But when it comes to the people I know, I don't want or need the drama. My life is chaotic as it is and throwing in drama only makes it worse. Heres a few tips I have learned from life. THere are warning signs everyone should see if they want to avoid the shit starters. Here they are: 1. a person talks a lot, especially about other people, 2. they like gossip (to tell it and to hear it), and 3. this is the most important, the person uses a divide and conquer tactic. This is hard to recognize because they are constantly claiming so and so is always talking about you. You don't even realize that they are intentionally pitting you against others whom you are friendly with and have no issues with but they have had some small issue that they have turned into a large issue. This can be better recognized if you notice they are trying to build an army; they want soldiers not friends. You know the type. They want people who will be incredibly loyal to them no matter what and when that loyalty is diminished in any capacity they are no longer part of this person's army better known as friend or circle. Now if you have time for the drama or you thrive on it this is the kind of person you want to associate with but be warned they can and will turn on you at any given moment and you could very easily be their next target. For me this is not the kind of person or people I want in my life nor do I have the time for it so I am cutting them out. I would much rather have people building me up not busy tearing me down in my life. Sadly as a navy wife I have encountered so many people like this in my life and more often than not they are other navy wives. Life changes.
Life changes. If you know me, you know that I have no problem telling you whats on my mind whether its my family members or some stranger who looked at me crazy or gave me piss poor customer service. But having to live overseas on a military base everything is linked to my husband. Our cars, our housing, our childcare, our medical coverage, even buying tour packages they are all linked to my husbands name. When I first got here the first warning I got from my husband was that I had to watch everything that I said or did because it is a small base and you never know who is married to the base captain or the admiral or the base command master chief etc. etc. and that all of my indiscretions here have a direct impact on his career so watch what I say and do. Having said all that life changes and in my life I have learned to tame my tongue. Many may feel like I haven't but for those who know me well, know that I have come a long way! There have been so many times that I have wanted to give some random people on base a piece of my mind but have decided against it because I don't ever want things to come back on my husband. This ties into getting rid of the drama. Life changes.
Life changes. Ten/eleven years ago I was in high school and if asked I would have told you I thought my mom was crazy! Well I say the same thing now but then I had no understanding of what it takes to be a mom or what it is like to be an adult in general. We hardly got along and if left alone together for an extended period of time would eat each other alive. I was a teenager who was too smart for my own good. Today I have a new love and appreciation for my mother. Although she still nags me about stuff I think should be of no concern of hers, and she deliberately irritates the hell out of me just to get a rise out of me because she has nothing better to day with her time (I know she does this because she has admitted to doing it and I have seen her in action doing it to my father on a regular basis), I still love her and can say that although I have only an inkling of an idea of what it takes to be a mother as good as her or what she had to deal with I have a new found respect for her. I probably don't tell her enough or show her the way I should but I hope that she knows it. Being a parent is incredibly difficult and currently I only have 1 kid with another on the way. She had 4 and we never got along. Hell we still don't. If left unattended for any period of time, the 4 of us will eat each other alive! We love each other so much and have fought for so long that I believe that this is how we have learned to communicate with one another. Sick and dysfunctional I know but its the truth and we can only grow from learning the truth and accepting it. The point being here, that it takes a lot to raise 4 kids; 3 successful daughters and a son who may not be quite as successful but cares deeply about our mom and in general has a good heart (which I guess is actually a success in it of itself). Although she had help from my father whom she is still married to (although the happily part is sometimes questionable lol), we all know that it is always the mom who sacrifices the most, puts in the extra work, and gives the most of themselves (unless you are me and have a great husband who is a much better parent). So with this I say life changes.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
It's been a long time but now I am back!
Well it has been a long while since my last post. My apologies. Life has kept me so busy. Let me recap what has happened since my last post. My older sister came to visit me here in Japan. This was a fun time to finally have someone from my family here. Olivia turned 1 and we had a huge celebration for her. My sister did a great job as the aunty by spoiling Olivia completely rotten. I was sad to see my sister leave but a few days later she was engaged and made plans to move to Okinawa. Although I don't necessarily agree with her decision to move to a foreign country without the benefit of being a military wife she is an adult and I trust that she can make sound decisions. Many of my navy wife friends have expressed the same concern for her that I have but like I have said to my sister many times, you can't understand until you have been there. I genuinely hope she has a far better experience in Japan than I have had but maybe actually being in the situation she will understand what I was trying to tell her. Anyhow I am so excited for her that she has finally found "the one." I can't wait for them to be married so she can embark down the path of trying to get pregnant and start a family. Although she got luckier than me. She will never actually be a military spouse. This does not take anything away from her. In fact I am a little bit jealous. She will never have to endure a deployment or the sleepless nights or sleeping with her phone on her pillow so as not to miss a phone call, or waking up to an empty side of the bed, or constantly checking her email to see if he emailed her. But don't get me wrong, I am proud of the work my husband does and although being a navy wife isn't always easy its always worth it.
Only two weeks after my sister left then my husbands parents arrived. Unfortunately things didn't go so well. For the sake of my marriage I will just leave it at that and say that I am glad my husband go to spend time with them but I am glad they are gone. But I will also note that I am not a very good hostess. I love having people over and hosting parties and get-togethers but anything over a few hours and I start to feel anxious and have a strong urge to kick people out but I have better manners than that so it's easier for me to just not like the visitor(s) anymore and try to get them to leave. I know I am a horrible person. In my defense I'm half crazy and my apartment is small and when people stay at my house I have nowhere to retreat to that is my own private space. I know that's no excuse but in my mind it works.
Since then I have completed my law degree and began planning to take the bar in Washington state in February of next year. Things have simply just gone by too fast. Olivia is no longer a baby but now a beautiful curious little toddler who has a personality and mind all her own. I have no idea where the time went. It seems like just yesterday she was born and then we were moving to Japan. I can remember so much of it so clearly. In a years time my life has changed so much and taken me for such a ride.
Today I have lived in Japan for a year now and quite honestly I haven't seen much but I am totally over it. I know that this is just my Ethnocentrism getting the best of me, but in all honesty living in a foreign country where you don't speak the same language is incredibly difficult. Luckily we live on base so there is some touch of America here but it's not the same at all. And what makes it even more difficult is that although the Japanese are very family oriented the country is not. Well that's not exactly the truth. Honestly I don't know exactly how everything works but what I am finding out is that in public not nothing is uniform and this sucks!!! There are often no elevators or even escalators for us to use to get around with a stroller. Several times we have had to carry Olivia's stroller up stairs or even worse carry the stroller up the stairs while she is in it asleep. I thought that living in a foreign country would be so exciting and adventurous. I thought it would be fun and make us "worldly" but in reality all it has done is make us miserable and strained my marriage beyond imagine.
I have learned that I was not built to be a stay at home mom/wife. I am bored 95% of the time, and the rest of the time I spend daydreaming about the time when I will get to go back to the states and go back to working. I was raised to be an independent woman who can take care of herself and her family on her own. Yes I know how to cook and clean but that is not what I was designed to do. From the time I was very little I was trained to work hard and always do for myself. I was taught to be loving and kind and nurturing but never to sit at home. I have a J.D. (Juris Doctor) degree and although I love spending quality time with my daughter, I am going batshit crazy sitting at home all day long every day. My brain is not wired for such mental laziness. My brain needs stimulation and challenge. Right now the only challenge I experience is the challenge to remain calm while chasing a small child around my living room screaming for absolutely no reason other than she can. And let me tell you this is not the kind of challenge I want or need. If you know me you know that patience is tranquility are not my strong suits. My husband is certain I have the worst case of ADHD he's ever seen and he is probably right. Regardless everyday that I spend at home watching Sesame Street with Olivia and trying to entertain her I feel my brain slowly turning to a mush of the applesauce variety ;). But soon I will begin bar prep and my mind will begin being challenged in a new way that only other bar takers can understand. I don't know what's sicker? Me being excited for studying for the bar or looking forward to the challenge. I'm sure if my law school friends read this they are going to think I am completely off my rocker but thats ok. That's what happens after you spend time living in Japan where nothing seems to make sense.
What's really sad is the fact that I have come to realize that I super suck at being a stay at home mom/wife. I hate cleaning and the fact that my husband takes for granted the fact that I can cook and for the most part enjoy cooking has started to widdle away at my love for cooking and has made me start to hate it.
Only two weeks after my sister left then my husbands parents arrived. Unfortunately things didn't go so well. For the sake of my marriage I will just leave it at that and say that I am glad my husband go to spend time with them but I am glad they are gone. But I will also note that I am not a very good hostess. I love having people over and hosting parties and get-togethers but anything over a few hours and I start to feel anxious and have a strong urge to kick people out but I have better manners than that so it's easier for me to just not like the visitor(s) anymore and try to get them to leave. I know I am a horrible person. In my defense I'm half crazy and my apartment is small and when people stay at my house I have nowhere to retreat to that is my own private space. I know that's no excuse but in my mind it works.
Since then I have completed my law degree and began planning to take the bar in Washington state in February of next year. Things have simply just gone by too fast. Olivia is no longer a baby but now a beautiful curious little toddler who has a personality and mind all her own. I have no idea where the time went. It seems like just yesterday she was born and then we were moving to Japan. I can remember so much of it so clearly. In a years time my life has changed so much and taken me for such a ride.
Today I have lived in Japan for a year now and quite honestly I haven't seen much but I am totally over it. I know that this is just my Ethnocentrism getting the best of me, but in all honesty living in a foreign country where you don't speak the same language is incredibly difficult. Luckily we live on base so there is some touch of America here but it's not the same at all. And what makes it even more difficult is that although the Japanese are very family oriented the country is not. Well that's not exactly the truth. Honestly I don't know exactly how everything works but what I am finding out is that in public not nothing is uniform and this sucks!!! There are often no elevators or even escalators for us to use to get around with a stroller. Several times we have had to carry Olivia's stroller up stairs or even worse carry the stroller up the stairs while she is in it asleep. I thought that living in a foreign country would be so exciting and adventurous. I thought it would be fun and make us "worldly" but in reality all it has done is make us miserable and strained my marriage beyond imagine.
I have learned that I was not built to be a stay at home mom/wife. I am bored 95% of the time, and the rest of the time I spend daydreaming about the time when I will get to go back to the states and go back to working. I was raised to be an independent woman who can take care of herself and her family on her own. Yes I know how to cook and clean but that is not what I was designed to do. From the time I was very little I was trained to work hard and always do for myself. I was taught to be loving and kind and nurturing but never to sit at home. I have a J.D. (Juris Doctor) degree and although I love spending quality time with my daughter, I am going batshit crazy sitting at home all day long every day. My brain is not wired for such mental laziness. My brain needs stimulation and challenge. Right now the only challenge I experience is the challenge to remain calm while chasing a small child around my living room screaming for absolutely no reason other than she can. And let me tell you this is not the kind of challenge I want or need. If you know me you know that patience is tranquility are not my strong suits. My husband is certain I have the worst case of ADHD he's ever seen and he is probably right. Regardless everyday that I spend at home watching Sesame Street with Olivia and trying to entertain her I feel my brain slowly turning to a mush of the applesauce variety ;). But soon I will begin bar prep and my mind will begin being challenged in a new way that only other bar takers can understand. I don't know what's sicker? Me being excited for studying for the bar or looking forward to the challenge. I'm sure if my law school friends read this they are going to think I am completely off my rocker but thats ok. That's what happens after you spend time living in Japan where nothing seems to make sense.
What's really sad is the fact that I have come to realize that I super suck at being a stay at home mom/wife. I hate cleaning and the fact that my husband takes for granted the fact that I can cook and for the most part enjoy cooking has started to widdle away at my love for cooking and has made me start to hate it.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
What has America come to?
As I sit here working on this post I am thinking about the case of Trayvon Martin, the countless missing Black children who the media has omitted from their head lines and sound bites. I am extremely saddened at the thought of a beautiful young man shot dead at the age of 17 and his murder has gone uninvestigated for over a month now. A young man in his early 20s was shot in Detroit by a convenience store clerk who refused to give the young man the correct amount of condoms for the money paid or a refund and the young man knocked over a rack of snacks, leading the clerk to shoot him. He was rushed to the hospital where he bled to death while his friends were accosted by hospital security. A young Middle Eastern woman was brutally beaten to death in San Diego (the place I called home for the past 3 years before moving to Japan). The attack on women in this presidential race is appalling. I fear for the future of my daughter. If my husband and I have a son he will look like Trayvon Martin.
I am angered and disgusted at the state of America today. When I was a kid my parents never sugar coated stuff. My dad always told us he hoped things would be better for us, but in the mean time we are black kids growing up in white America. That means we must always watch what we do and say. In school we are told we can grow up and do and be whatever we want. Sadly for young black people in America like Trayvon they will never get that opportunity. As I sit here watching my 10 month old daughter play on my living room floor I say a silent prayer thanking God for such a beautiful and healthy little being and the opportunity HE has given me to raise her up, but I pray that no one ever finds her beautiful enough to take her from me. I pray she never goes missing. I pray that she never fall prey to predators like Trayvon's killer, or a pedophile or to human traffickers, because sadly I have seen the statistics and the reports that all tell me that there would be no justice for her. Those reports tell me that there is no room for her picture in the media is she should go missing and what's disgusting is that if the media did give her some attention it would only be to smear her name and suggest that it was her fault. I pray this prayer not only for her but for all the young children of color.
Almost in tears I recognize that I have chosen the profession to which I am sitting here criticizing. Looking into the future I can only ask God to bless me with the opportunity to make changes to this system, so we can correct the injustices like that of Trayvon Martin, and the many others whom the media has left out.
As a child I never thought I would see the day that America would have a president that wasn't an old white guy. I cried when I watched the election and Obama was announced the winner and I cried even harder watching his inauguration. Although there have been things that I hoped he would accomplish in his 1st term that he has not done (mostly due to the republican party stalling at every turn and being downright defiant in willing to go to work for the American people) I can honestly say that I am proud to be an American because of President Obama's presidency. Sadly the downright racism that is going on is not only disrespectful to the President but to all people of color!
I pray that in my daughters lifetime there be a time when she does not have to worry about being the victim of a hate crime because she is a beautiful black woman. I don't want her to worry about whether or not she looks suspicious because she has on a hoodie. I want her to be proud of who she is and hold her head up high not scared or worried. I most certainly want her to never have to worry about whether or not she can go to the doctor because health insurance should never be an issue for her.
So today I held Olivia a little longer and hugged her a little tighter in hopes that she will recognize that she is loved and cared for; in hopes that it will protect her from harm; in knowing that I can't always be there to watch her every step but in cherishing every moment I get to spend with her. The disgusting crimes of hate and violence that have continued to occur over the past several months have reminded me that tomorrow is never promised and that I MUST cherish every moment I have.
And with that I will say, until next time just pray...
I am angered and disgusted at the state of America today. When I was a kid my parents never sugar coated stuff. My dad always told us he hoped things would be better for us, but in the mean time we are black kids growing up in white America. That means we must always watch what we do and say. In school we are told we can grow up and do and be whatever we want. Sadly for young black people in America like Trayvon they will never get that opportunity. As I sit here watching my 10 month old daughter play on my living room floor I say a silent prayer thanking God for such a beautiful and healthy little being and the opportunity HE has given me to raise her up, but I pray that no one ever finds her beautiful enough to take her from me. I pray she never goes missing. I pray that she never fall prey to predators like Trayvon's killer, or a pedophile or to human traffickers, because sadly I have seen the statistics and the reports that all tell me that there would be no justice for her. Those reports tell me that there is no room for her picture in the media is she should go missing and what's disgusting is that if the media did give her some attention it would only be to smear her name and suggest that it was her fault. I pray this prayer not only for her but for all the young children of color.
Justice for Trayvon Martin and all the other young people of color! Do we look suspicious???? Are we next? We wear our hoodies for all the injustices!
Almost in tears I recognize that I have chosen the profession to which I am sitting here criticizing. Looking into the future I can only ask God to bless me with the opportunity to make changes to this system, so we can correct the injustices like that of Trayvon Martin, and the many others whom the media has left out.
As a child I never thought I would see the day that America would have a president that wasn't an old white guy. I cried when I watched the election and Obama was announced the winner and I cried even harder watching his inauguration. Although there have been things that I hoped he would accomplish in his 1st term that he has not done (mostly due to the republican party stalling at every turn and being downright defiant in willing to go to work for the American people) I can honestly say that I am proud to be an American because of President Obama's presidency. Sadly the downright racism that is going on is not only disrespectful to the President but to all people of color!
I pray that in my daughters lifetime there be a time when she does not have to worry about being the victim of a hate crime because she is a beautiful black woman. I don't want her to worry about whether or not she looks suspicious because she has on a hoodie. I want her to be proud of who she is and hold her head up high not scared or worried. I most certainly want her to never have to worry about whether or not she can go to the doctor because health insurance should never be an issue for her.
So today I held Olivia a little longer and hugged her a little tighter in hopes that she will recognize that she is loved and cared for; in hopes that it will protect her from harm; in knowing that I can't always be there to watch her every step but in cherishing every moment I get to spend with her. The disgusting crimes of hate and violence that have continued to occur over the past several months have reminded me that tomorrow is never promised and that I MUST cherish every moment I have.
And with that I will say, until next time just pray...
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Time flies when...You're living life!
Since my last post so much has happened. Where do I start? Well I guess I will just jump right in! Since returning from Guam, we (my husband and I) have decided that we are going to put our plans to try for baby number 2 on hold. We decided that it would be less fun and definitely more difficult for me to travel if I am pregnant and extremely more difficult to travel with Olivia and another little baby in tow. I guess that goes to show that we really enjoyed our vacation. Not to mention that we are really looking forward to doing more traveling and taking advantage of the opportunities presented to us while living in Japan. Plus Olivia is just now starting to get to the fun stages and is finally becoming independent where she can enjoy these vacations as well.
Since my last post Olivia has developed so much! In Guam Olivia started crawling practically overnight and when we returned home she started crawling like she has been doing it her entire life! I am fairly certain that the other kids at the daycare taught her to crawl. Speaking of daycare, Olivia is finally starting to enjoy daycare and I can tell because she no longer cries when I drop her off and she is busy playing and having fun when I get there to pick her up. Sadly the child development center (CDC) here doesn't have permanent part time care. They just have permanent full time care or hourly care. If they had permanent part time I would have signed Olivia up a long time ago and had so much more free time on my hands. But I try to sign her up for a couple of hours a week so she can socialize with other babies her age. Despite the germs I think its actually good for her and she is learning so much.
Olivia is also now eating so much table food. Bye bye baby food. She could care less about jarred food she wants food she can feed herself! Also if you have been following her weight gain issues, we finally got her seen by a pediatrician. Although she is not gaining a lot of weight and is in the very low percentiles we have been assured she is growing fine and developing in a healthy manner. She is physically strong and her physical development/abilities are far surpassed most babies her age. We were told that she is simply just an efficient eater. She eats until she is full and she only needs 12-16 oz of fluids to be properly hydrated and that we should try to make that formula as much as possible. And as she gets older she will want formula less and less and food and water and juice more and more. So we were happy to have our questions finally answered and we left our appointment feeling more confident about the health of lil Olivia and assured that we are doing good as new parents.
Just last week Olivia finally decided that she could stand up on her own without holding on to anything. Then on St. Patricks day the luck of the Irish helped her get the courage to take 4 steps all on her own. I didn't really see it just the last step but then on Monday she was walking all over the gym while I was coaching. She is growing by leaps and bounds and everyday makes me more and more proud to be a mommy. She loves going to the playground outside the backyard and loves going down the slide. She has turned into quite the big girl these days.
Recently my husband has been listening to me go on and on about how much I am dreading when he has to go back to a ship. His rate is ship bound which means professionally he is supposed to be on a ship the majority of his career. We met when he was on a ship and we got through the deployment and the out to seas and him being gone a lot. We made it work and got through it but now we are married and we have a kid and he is finally starting to see how much he would miss out on when he has to get deployed and all that. So after a discussion (more like several weeks worth of discussions) with his division officer and hours of research he has decided to apply to become an officer. The Navy has this program where enlisted sailors can apply to transfer from enlisted to officer. I really wanted him to do it because I thought it would be beneficial to him not just professionally but also financially. Plus it requires that he get his college degree. That right there was most important to me! That way if he decides he doesn't want to be a "lifer" he has an education to fall back on and has a much better chance of getting a job if and when he decides to get out of the Navy. Plus as much as I love Japan if he gets accepted (which he seems to think is something he will have to apply multiple times to get) we will have to leave Japan early and can go back to the states. My mom will love this. She misses her baby Olivia so much and I know that this has been incredibly hard on her having to watch her 1st and only grand baby to grow up from afar. Most of all it makes me feel so proud as a wife that my husband is taking steps professionally that will help him a great deal but also that he is thinking of me and Olivia so much that he is willing to trade his beloved job to try to become an officer.
So I am now just 3 credits away from getting my JD (Juris Doctor). It seems like just yesterday I was this scared 22 year old girl from the country moving to the big city of San Diego all by myself to start law school and what would be a whole new life. I am so blessed to finally be accomplishing my life long goal of going to law school. But when I made this goal I was in the fourth grade and I had no idea that after law school I would have to take and pass the bar in order to become a lawyer. So in all reality my goal is only half accomplished. But this journey thus far has been amazing and I wouldn't change any of it.
Over the past month I have been coaching a youth basketball game. A small group of 8, 5-6 year olds. They crack me up, but this has been the most fun but also the most challenging volunteer opportunity I have ever participated in. I have learned that these kids are great at one thing and not so great at another; working my nerves and playing basketball respectively. I love all of these kids though and I wouldn't take back volunteering at all. Some days the kids make me want to scream and then they make me want to cry with joy and pride. I have one kid on my team who seems like he has the most severe case of ADHD a 5 year old can have. He makes me want to quit everyday because he can't focus for more than 10 seconds. But then I have one kid who had never touched a basketball before the season and when we started he couldn't dribble other than dropping the ball and grabbing it when it bounced back up. Now he can dribble with one hand. Seeing him dribble the right way gives me such great pride and joy knowing that I helped him learn a skill that I have clearly taken for granted my entire life. I guess I don't remember learning to dribble or shoot (probably because my dad had us all pushing around basketball from the time we could crawl). For some it comes more naturally than it does to others but regardless seeing this young boy improve so much over the course of 4 weeks is so wonderful. Now if we could only get him to get that ball into the basket. He isn't quite strong enough to get the ball up high enough to get it into the 6 1/2 foot high basket but one day at practice he hit the rim and I think I was more excited for him than he was. Coaching has made me get up off my lazy ass and do something. It has encouraged me to be more active and start appreciating life. I now have started really paying attention to the food I put in my mouth, and trying to be more active! So to my team I say THANK YOU!!!
Over the past several months I have been more abundantly blessed than I know I deserve so I must give all the glory to God for that. Sorry for the delay in posting, but time flies when...you're living life! Until next time...
Since my last post Olivia has developed so much! In Guam Olivia started crawling practically overnight and when we returned home she started crawling like she has been doing it her entire life! I am fairly certain that the other kids at the daycare taught her to crawl. Speaking of daycare, Olivia is finally starting to enjoy daycare and I can tell because she no longer cries when I drop her off and she is busy playing and having fun when I get there to pick her up. Sadly the child development center (CDC) here doesn't have permanent part time care. They just have permanent full time care or hourly care. If they had permanent part time I would have signed Olivia up a long time ago and had so much more free time on my hands. But I try to sign her up for a couple of hours a week so she can socialize with other babies her age. Despite the germs I think its actually good for her and she is learning so much.
Olivia is also now eating so much table food. Bye bye baby food. She could care less about jarred food she wants food she can feed herself! Also if you have been following her weight gain issues, we finally got her seen by a pediatrician. Although she is not gaining a lot of weight and is in the very low percentiles we have been assured she is growing fine and developing in a healthy manner. She is physically strong and her physical development/abilities are far surpassed most babies her age. We were told that she is simply just an efficient eater. She eats until she is full and she only needs 12-16 oz of fluids to be properly hydrated and that we should try to make that formula as much as possible. And as she gets older she will want formula less and less and food and water and juice more and more. So we were happy to have our questions finally answered and we left our appointment feeling more confident about the health of lil Olivia and assured that we are doing good as new parents.
Just last week Olivia finally decided that she could stand up on her own without holding on to anything. Then on St. Patricks day the luck of the Irish helped her get the courage to take 4 steps all on her own. I didn't really see it just the last step but then on Monday she was walking all over the gym while I was coaching. She is growing by leaps and bounds and everyday makes me more and more proud to be a mommy. She loves going to the playground outside the backyard and loves going down the slide. She has turned into quite the big girl these days.
Recently my husband has been listening to me go on and on about how much I am dreading when he has to go back to a ship. His rate is ship bound which means professionally he is supposed to be on a ship the majority of his career. We met when he was on a ship and we got through the deployment and the out to seas and him being gone a lot. We made it work and got through it but now we are married and we have a kid and he is finally starting to see how much he would miss out on when he has to get deployed and all that. So after a discussion (more like several weeks worth of discussions) with his division officer and hours of research he has decided to apply to become an officer. The Navy has this program where enlisted sailors can apply to transfer from enlisted to officer. I really wanted him to do it because I thought it would be beneficial to him not just professionally but also financially. Plus it requires that he get his college degree. That right there was most important to me! That way if he decides he doesn't want to be a "lifer" he has an education to fall back on and has a much better chance of getting a job if and when he decides to get out of the Navy. Plus as much as I love Japan if he gets accepted (which he seems to think is something he will have to apply multiple times to get) we will have to leave Japan early and can go back to the states. My mom will love this. She misses her baby Olivia so much and I know that this has been incredibly hard on her having to watch her 1st and only grand baby to grow up from afar. Most of all it makes me feel so proud as a wife that my husband is taking steps professionally that will help him a great deal but also that he is thinking of me and Olivia so much that he is willing to trade his beloved job to try to become an officer.
So I am now just 3 credits away from getting my JD (Juris Doctor). It seems like just yesterday I was this scared 22 year old girl from the country moving to the big city of San Diego all by myself to start law school and what would be a whole new life. I am so blessed to finally be accomplishing my life long goal of going to law school. But when I made this goal I was in the fourth grade and I had no idea that after law school I would have to take and pass the bar in order to become a lawyer. So in all reality my goal is only half accomplished. But this journey thus far has been amazing and I wouldn't change any of it.
Over the past month I have been coaching a youth basketball game. A small group of 8, 5-6 year olds. They crack me up, but this has been the most fun but also the most challenging volunteer opportunity I have ever participated in. I have learned that these kids are great at one thing and not so great at another; working my nerves and playing basketball respectively. I love all of these kids though and I wouldn't take back volunteering at all. Some days the kids make me want to scream and then they make me want to cry with joy and pride. I have one kid on my team who seems like he has the most severe case of ADHD a 5 year old can have. He makes me want to quit everyday because he can't focus for more than 10 seconds. But then I have one kid who had never touched a basketball before the season and when we started he couldn't dribble other than dropping the ball and grabbing it when it bounced back up. Now he can dribble with one hand. Seeing him dribble the right way gives me such great pride and joy knowing that I helped him learn a skill that I have clearly taken for granted my entire life. I guess I don't remember learning to dribble or shoot (probably because my dad had us all pushing around basketball from the time we could crawl). For some it comes more naturally than it does to others but regardless seeing this young boy improve so much over the course of 4 weeks is so wonderful. Now if we could only get him to get that ball into the basket. He isn't quite strong enough to get the ball up high enough to get it into the 6 1/2 foot high basket but one day at practice he hit the rim and I think I was more excited for him than he was. Coaching has made me get up off my lazy ass and do something. It has encouraged me to be more active and start appreciating life. I now have started really paying attention to the food I put in my mouth, and trying to be more active! So to my team I say THANK YOU!!!
Over the past several months I have been more abundantly blessed than I know I deserve so I must give all the glory to God for that. Sorry for the delay in posting, but time flies when...you're living life! Until next time...
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
They Never Said it Would be Easy Just That it Would be Worth It
So when I originally sat down to write this blog it was about 2 weeks ago and I was pissed off at my husband for some reason (that was so insignificant that I have totally forgotten about it now, but in the moment it seemed so important). He had worked my last nerve for that day and I was just about ready to burst with anger and irritation but instead I spent the day hiding in my bedroom ignoring him. Later that night we worked it out like we always do. Like usual he figures out that I am mad at him and giving him the silent treatment (as opposed to how the old me would handle this situation i.e. an eruption of anger, screaming and yelling usually followed by tears of sheer anger and cussing), and he came into the bedroom and, although with a snarky tone in his voice, asked what was wrong and if I wanted to talk about it. We argued for a while and as usual worked it out.
Anyhow the point of this all is that as much as I complain about all the down sides to being a military wife (let me tell you as a navy wife its tough especially when he is on sea duty because he was gone a lot but luckily for now he is on shore duty and for the next couple of years I don't have to worry about deployments or underways) not to mention having to just deal with the lifestyle of the military and all that there has recently been some good to come out of all this. Over the recent holiday weekend (Presidents Day) we went on vacation to America's best kept secret. Guam, where America's day begins lol.
Guam is like Japan's version of Hawaii. This is where the Japanese go to vacation, so although it is an American territory with 2 military bases on it, almost the entire island is tailored to Japanese tourists. On a whim we decided to go to Guam. Here comes the good side of being a military spouse: we flew to Guam for free! Since I have moved to Japan I have griped and moaned and complained about the loud jets and other issues of living on a Navy Air base but we recently learned that we could travel for free from base to base wherever the planes are flying! It is literally freezing cold here in Japan and the weather in Guam was 85+ degrees with some humidity and sunny! The ocean was beautiful! Crystal clear and warmer than the hotel pool! For 4 days we enjoyed the tropical weather of this beautiful little island territory. Not to mention the many people who spoke English and the wonderful variety of delicious food!
Anyhow the point of this all is that as much as I complain about all the down sides to being a military wife (let me tell you as a navy wife its tough especially when he is on sea duty because he was gone a lot but luckily for now he is on shore duty and for the next couple of years I don't have to worry about deployments or underways) not to mention having to just deal with the lifestyle of the military and all that there has recently been some good to come out of all this. Over the recent holiday weekend (Presidents Day) we went on vacation to America's best kept secret. Guam, where America's day begins lol.
The view from our balcony at the hotel at sunset
Guam is like Japan's version of Hawaii. This is where the Japanese go to vacation, so although it is an American territory with 2 military bases on it, almost the entire island is tailored to Japanese tourists. On a whim we decided to go to Guam. Here comes the good side of being a military spouse: we flew to Guam for free! Since I have moved to Japan I have griped and moaned and complained about the loud jets and other issues of living on a Navy Air base but we recently learned that we could travel for free from base to base wherever the planes are flying! It is literally freezing cold here in Japan and the weather in Guam was 85+ degrees with some humidity and sunny! The ocean was beautiful! Crystal clear and warmer than the hotel pool! For 4 days we enjoyed the tropical weather of this beautiful little island territory. Not to mention the many people who spoke English and the wonderful variety of delicious food!
Fresh Jamaican Salad at the Yo Man Serious Food Jamaican Grill
My husband's plate of Boston Beach Ribs, red rice, Jamaican rice, and cucumber salad from the Jamaican Grill
My plate of Jerk chicken and BBQ ribs with red rice, Jamaican rice, and cucumber salad at the Jamaican grill! The food was so good!! and the Mango Iced Tea will make you wanna slap yo mama!!!!
Izumidai fish, with julienned veggies, sticky rice and the best garlic butter sauce ever!!! It tasted so good I almost licked the plate
Olivia's dinner of red rice!!!! She ate almost all of it too!
Kareem's sesame steamed salmon topped with sprouts and pickled red onions and steamed veggies and bbq potatoes with the same garlic butter sauce! It was so good!!!!!
My plate of red rice, salad, and bbq ribs and chicken! at the Chamorro Village (the locals food)
Kareem's plate of Kalbi beef (beef short ribs) and chicken shish kabobs with red rice and salad. It was really good!!!!
This was pretty much all the food we ate in Guam.The only thing missing is the thai food we ate for lunch with the best fried bananas ever!, the brazilian bbq dinner we had that was super expensive and not worth half of what we paid for it, and the california pizza kitchen we had for dinner the last night we were there cuz Kareem had never eaten there before. The food there was amazing to say the least. Due to the fact that Guam has a very diverse history of who "ruled" it there is no one culture there. There is a little bit of Spanish culture (thanks to Magellan), Japanese culture, local "native" island culture, plus a mix of the melting pot of American culture mixed in as well, not to mention the many different surrounding Asian cultures mixed into this too. As you can see from the pictures the food is incredibly diverse but incredibly delicious!!! The staple here is rice! Whether it is red, white or jamaican lol everything comes with rice. And for some odd reason I love it! Before moving to Japan rice was not important to me and was only good when topped with gravy or some stir fry with soy sauce lol but now rice is great with almost anything lol. What I really liked about Guam was how fresh everything was. Everywhere we went the restaurants boasted about how fresh everything is and how they used local fish, produce and everything else. You could tell the difference and the freshness of the food made everything taste so much better!!!!
We visited Cocos Island. We can now say we went there. It was nothing special but we can say we went there, and frankly it was completely overrated and overpriced!!!! If we ever go back (which I suspect we will) we will not be going to Cocos Island. We will save the money and go to the beach outside our hotel instead!
We went to Fish Eye Marine Park. It was probably the cheapest thing we did but also our very favorite thing we did. You walk out into the ocean on a narrow boardwalk to a bomb hole from WWII and you go down into the bomb hole and can see all the local fish swimming around outside in their natural habitat! It was so much better than any aquarium you could ever go to!
These are all the pics I took at Fish Eye Marine Park! It was by far my favorite tourist attraction! But I love the beach so I think that's why lol.
We also visited Cocos Island, like I said before, the Talofofo falls, the Inarajan Natural Pool, Bear rock, Under Water World (a large over priced aquarium), and of course we walked along the strip of hotels and malls. They are also known for the worlds largest K-Mart which we also visited to get some little items like lotion and other toiletries. Let me tell you, for the worlds largest K-Mart it was disappointing at best lol. It was no different than you average K-Mart in your hometown. Talofofo falls was beautiful but I was chased by a huge bee. Yes I said it a huge bee. The only problem I had with Guam was the bees. They are about 3-4 inches long and they look like small birds lol. They come in a rainbow of colors and the locals tried to ease my fears by saying that they won't bother you but if you get stung by a black one you will die. After hearing that all the bees looked black no matter what color they really were. Bees terrify me and the ones in Guam are so big they would scare Big Foot lol. Although I love how the bees didn't bother my baby cuz if they had we would have never left our hotel room. And I love how my husband didn't seem to be bothered by them in the least but once we got on the plane home he told me they were huge but he didn't want me to be even more scared so he just pretended like they didn't bother him. What a great husband I have, cuz Lord knows if he would have freaked out like me we would have had a horrible time in Guam lol.
Guam never sounds like a vacation spot. You never hear people say, "We are spending our vacation in Guam." or "We are going to Guam for spring break." That's why I said Guam is America's best kept secret. Very few people know how beautiful it is there or of all the fun things you can do there. Very few people even know where to locate it on a map. But the truth of the matter is that although we had only heard a few things about it and they weren't always that good we had a wonderful time there. Yes it was hot and humid and we sweated so much you would have thought we just got rained on, we had a great vacation there. It might be due to the fact that right now Japan's mainland is in the middle of winter and its cold here and the last 3 years before this we lived in beautiful San Diego where it never gets this cold, but regardless this was a wonderful experience for us and we enjoyed every minute of it! So in summary although there are many downfalls to being a military wife (a great health care plan but shitty doctors yup I said it, dealing with the federal government on a daily basis, dealing with deployments, separations, being stationed far from the rest of your family and friends, moving often, etc. etc.) there are some great benefits too (living in a foreign country, free travel to other parts of the world, a great health care plan...on paper/in theory, military discounts on lots of stuff etc.etc.) Like I said no one ever said it would be easy...just that it would be worth it!
Until next time....
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
I Now Understand Shaken Baby Syndrome
So I am not sure what is going on with Olivia but the last few days she has been unusually fussy and her sleeping is off. She is usually a good sleeper and has been since the day she was born. She slept all the time as a newborn enough that the doctors kept insisting I wake her up and nurse her (although I didn't because I thought it was mean to wake a sleeping baby, and I still believe that she will let me know when she is hungry and don't worry she does!) and she went through her phase of waking in the middle of the night to feed but at about 3 months she began sleeping through the night and so have I and I thoroughly enjoy it! Now she is 8 months old and either she has started the terrible twos extremely early or something is up with her! She is fussy and not sleeping or napping well. The other night she woke up at 12:45am and tortured her father until 2:30am when he finally came and woke me up because he was so exhausted from lack of sleep that he needed a break and asked if I could try to put her back to bed. Needless to say yes I did put her back to sleep...after 45 minutes a dose of tylenol and lots of singing and rocking!
Why the tylenol you ask? Well, earlier that day I noticed she had been tugging at one ear and she had run a minor fever, one you wouldn't give tylenol to bring down but I thought it might be caused by an ear infection or she is teething. Either way my baby was uncomfortable and I gave her about half the dose for her weight and it seemed to do the trick. Fever was gone and once it kicked in she went right back to sleep...at 3:15am. The next morning she woke up 7am wide eyed and bushy tailed and thank heaven for my loving husband who was up getting ready to watch the Super Bowl (the game started at 8am Sunday morning for us here in Japan) and get the house in order since we were having guests. I on the other hand got to sleep in until 7:25 which gave me 5 minutes to get freshened up before our guests arrived for the big game.
Meanwhile Olivia needs to be dressed and hair combed, face washed, diaper changed and fed. The latter three my husband did while I rushed to make myself presentable. Although for him washing her face, changing her diaper and giving her a bottle was a huge struggle because she kept screaming out, "Momma! Momma!!! Momma!!!" and then crying at the top of her lungs when she couldn't see me! As cute as this is and as proud as it makes me that she wants me I know that is breaking my husband's heart that although she will say, "Dadda" she doesn't and it seems like she wants nothing to do with him 95% of the time. The 5% of the time she does want him it is because he has something she wants; you know like puffs, cheese, fruit, cookies, pretty much anything she wants to put in her mouth that he might have.
Now on to the shaken baby syndrome. NO I have not shaken my baby!!! But now that I believe she either has an ear infection or is finally getting those highly anticipated teeth she is extremely fussy! To the point where I can finally understand how a parent with no help or reprieve from the daily stresses of being a parent could be driven to shake their baby. Today Olivia screamed for nearly 30 minutes in an attempt to resist napping! (Why are children born with this innate sense that naps are bad and that they should not go to sleep even when they are extremely tired?) I sang to her, I rocked her. Then I decided I should recheck her diaper, take her temperature and be prepared to give her some tylenol if she has a fever. So she got a new diaper, had her temperature taken to which she had a slight fever and a half dose of tylenol. Following which she cried for another 5 or so minutes while I rocked and sang and finally went to sleep. But as she innocently cried I looked right in her eyes and said, "Olivia this is why little babies like you get shook!" It became clear to both of us that Mommy was tired and exhausted and needed a break and Olivia understood that she was nearing Mommy's breaking point. And we both understood how easily a beautiful little baby could end up with shaken baby syndrome.
I am in no way, shape, form or fashion advocating for anyone who has shaken a baby. I am merely saying that I understand how people can easily get to that point. Lack of sleep depletes patience and that lowers the level of tolerance one has for the sound of a crying baby. I don't think that most of the people who have shaken a baby had malice intent when they did it. They just wanted the baby to stop crying. As a parent you get frustrated and many times I have felt like Olivia is just straight up ignoring me and I have wanted to jolt her into attention but I know better. I think the only thing that separates me (and other moms like me) from the people who shake babies is that I instantly recognized my breaking point and was ready to put her in her crib and let her cry it out until I could regroup but I was lucky enough that in that exact moment Olivia knew she went too far and quickly calmed down and just went to sleep.
On a different note, the wife I chose not to be friends with, is not going to be a Navy wife for much longer, sadly enough. I never wished for them to get divorced but merely to get along. I have never met a couple who dislikes each other so much (except for my parents but after 30+ years who could blame them? lol) The other day I found out they were getting divorced via Facebook! Yes I said it, Facebook!!! There was a post by the husband on a public site saying he was selling their dog because he was getting a divorce and moving back to the barracks!!! Who puts their business out there like that? They must really hate each other to just publicize their business like that? Just a thought.
On that note I am going to say, "until next time..." stay posted. Much Love from the Real Housewife of the Navy!
Why the tylenol you ask? Well, earlier that day I noticed she had been tugging at one ear and she had run a minor fever, one you wouldn't give tylenol to bring down but I thought it might be caused by an ear infection or she is teething. Either way my baby was uncomfortable and I gave her about half the dose for her weight and it seemed to do the trick. Fever was gone and once it kicked in she went right back to sleep...at 3:15am. The next morning she woke up 7am wide eyed and bushy tailed and thank heaven for my loving husband who was up getting ready to watch the Super Bowl (the game started at 8am Sunday morning for us here in Japan) and get the house in order since we were having guests. I on the other hand got to sleep in until 7:25 which gave me 5 minutes to get freshened up before our guests arrived for the big game.
Meanwhile Olivia needs to be dressed and hair combed, face washed, diaper changed and fed. The latter three my husband did while I rushed to make myself presentable. Although for him washing her face, changing her diaper and giving her a bottle was a huge struggle because she kept screaming out, "Momma! Momma!!! Momma!!!" and then crying at the top of her lungs when she couldn't see me! As cute as this is and as proud as it makes me that she wants me I know that is breaking my husband's heart that although she will say, "Dadda" she doesn't and it seems like she wants nothing to do with him 95% of the time. The 5% of the time she does want him it is because he has something she wants; you know like puffs, cheese, fruit, cookies, pretty much anything she wants to put in her mouth that he might have.
Now on to the shaken baby syndrome. NO I have not shaken my baby!!! But now that I believe she either has an ear infection or is finally getting those highly anticipated teeth she is extremely fussy! To the point where I can finally understand how a parent with no help or reprieve from the daily stresses of being a parent could be driven to shake their baby. Today Olivia screamed for nearly 30 minutes in an attempt to resist napping! (Why are children born with this innate sense that naps are bad and that they should not go to sleep even when they are extremely tired?) I sang to her, I rocked her. Then I decided I should recheck her diaper, take her temperature and be prepared to give her some tylenol if she has a fever. So she got a new diaper, had her temperature taken to which she had a slight fever and a half dose of tylenol. Following which she cried for another 5 or so minutes while I rocked and sang and finally went to sleep. But as she innocently cried I looked right in her eyes and said, "Olivia this is why little babies like you get shook!" It became clear to both of us that Mommy was tired and exhausted and needed a break and Olivia understood that she was nearing Mommy's breaking point. And we both understood how easily a beautiful little baby could end up with shaken baby syndrome.
I am in no way, shape, form or fashion advocating for anyone who has shaken a baby. I am merely saying that I understand how people can easily get to that point. Lack of sleep depletes patience and that lowers the level of tolerance one has for the sound of a crying baby. I don't think that most of the people who have shaken a baby had malice intent when they did it. They just wanted the baby to stop crying. As a parent you get frustrated and many times I have felt like Olivia is just straight up ignoring me and I have wanted to jolt her into attention but I know better. I think the only thing that separates me (and other moms like me) from the people who shake babies is that I instantly recognized my breaking point and was ready to put her in her crib and let her cry it out until I could regroup but I was lucky enough that in that exact moment Olivia knew she went too far and quickly calmed down and just went to sleep.
On a different note, the wife I chose not to be friends with, is not going to be a Navy wife for much longer, sadly enough. I never wished for them to get divorced but merely to get along. I have never met a couple who dislikes each other so much (except for my parents but after 30+ years who could blame them? lol) The other day I found out they were getting divorced via Facebook! Yes I said it, Facebook!!! There was a post by the husband on a public site saying he was selling their dog because he was getting a divorce and moving back to the barracks!!! Who puts their business out there like that? They must really hate each other to just publicize their business like that? Just a thought.
On that note I am going to say, "until next time..." stay posted. Much Love from the Real Housewife of the Navy!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
The Most Difficult Part About Being a Mommy...So Far!
So it's Wednesday here and like every other Wednesday and Thursday morning this semester I got up and took Olivia to daycare while I go home and sit through yet another "virtual" online class. Maybe it's because today would have been my grandmother's 78th birthday (may she Rest In Peace), but it was extremely hard for me to leave Olivia today. She was fussy this morning but when we got to daycare she went willingly with the daycare teacher. (Possibly because I handed the lady a freshly made bottle nice and warm to the perfect temperature for Olivia). Anyhow, this was the first time in a long time that Olivia went without crying...or so I thought. After I walked out of the room I glanced through the window in the wall (where I can spy on her) she started crying. She wanted her mommy and I almost cried walking away!!! I hate leaving her, but I know its for the best and I can't focus through class while trying to entertain her as well. So logically I know this is for the best, but my heart doesn't always agree.
I have struggled with my baby not gaining weight like I though she would, taking a day trip to the ER because of a concussion, issues with breast feeding, making the switch to formula and the feeling of failure that goes with that because I wanted her to be breast fed until she was at least 6 months old, the struggle of teaching her to sleep through the night (which we sometimes still struggle with), and the most occurring struggle is battling the idea of letting her "cry it out." I have heard so many non parents (including my own sister) tell me to "put her down and let her cry, eventually she will stop or cry herself to sleep. You are spoiling her!" This does not resinate well with my gut instinct and in fact it sounds and feels so harsh and cruel. Who would do that to their own baby?
I was the nervous and paranoid first time mommy who researched everything. From the type of diapers to use to bottles to clothes to cribs and other baby gadgets, and yes of course parenting techniques. What I found was that the best parenting technique is to go with your gut instinct. Not any one technique works for all families or even every kid within the same family. I also found that letting your baby "cry it out" breaks the bond and trust with your baby because their cry is a way of telling you something. Maybe they do just want to be held or maybe they are bored, lonely, hungry, need a clean diaper, are tired, or a host of other things. For me I feel incredibly uncomfortable letting my baby cry. To all those who have or are using this technique please don't take this as a judgment of your parental style or skills this is about me and what works at my home. In all reality I would love to just be able to leave Olivia and let her cry it out but it just makes me feel so horrible when I do. I have tried and failed many times at letting her cry it out. Usually I don't even last a whole minute.
So I guess the truth is that the most difficult part about being a mommy is struggling with finding the right parenting technique, along with balancing all the other struggles of parenthood.
Most recently we have started the discussion of when or if to have another one. My husband would like to have a son. I wouldn't mind having another one but as a military wife and a Navy wife in particular the birth of kids must be planned around when daddy will be able to be around to help. Especially with us being overseas it is important that I have some help since we are talking about a potential baby #2. So since my husband is on shore duty now would be the perfect time to have baby #2 otherwise we have to wait till the next shore duty which is about 7 years from now. The other issue that I struggle with is: I love Olivia so much, can I really love another child just as much? Can I be fair and treat them both equally? Can we afford to spoil a second child the same way we have spoiled Olivia so far? How can I divide my time and love for two children? Will Olivia be jealous of a new baby? Will she feel left out? How can I manage another child and still fulfill my career goals when we get back to the states?
Are these normal thoughts and questions? Will Kareem want to try for baby #3 if #2 is another girl? What will happen to Olivia if the pregnancy for baby #2 isn't as easy as my pregnancy with her? I don't want her to feel neglected because Mommy is struggling physically. I think I have just become paranoid. lol. I actually loved being pregnant and part of me genuinely misses it. Although nothing in me misses the recovery from giving birth. (Labor and delivery were short, sweet and painless...that is until it came time to stitch up my 3rd degree tear...dontThats the life of a Navy wife.
Well I am pretty sure thats all I got for today. Stay tuned for the next addition and let me know your thoughts. Especially if you have answers to any or all the questions I pondered today. Thanks to all who read my blog. Much Love.
I have struggled with my baby not gaining weight like I though she would, taking a day trip to the ER because of a concussion, issues with breast feeding, making the switch to formula and the feeling of failure that goes with that because I wanted her to be breast fed until she was at least 6 months old, the struggle of teaching her to sleep through the night (which we sometimes still struggle with), and the most occurring struggle is battling the idea of letting her "cry it out." I have heard so many non parents (including my own sister) tell me to "put her down and let her cry, eventually she will stop or cry herself to sleep. You are spoiling her!" This does not resinate well with my gut instinct and in fact it sounds and feels so harsh and cruel. Who would do that to their own baby?
I was the nervous and paranoid first time mommy who researched everything. From the type of diapers to use to bottles to clothes to cribs and other baby gadgets, and yes of course parenting techniques. What I found was that the best parenting technique is to go with your gut instinct. Not any one technique works for all families or even every kid within the same family. I also found that letting your baby "cry it out" breaks the bond and trust with your baby because their cry is a way of telling you something. Maybe they do just want to be held or maybe they are bored, lonely, hungry, need a clean diaper, are tired, or a host of other things. For me I feel incredibly uncomfortable letting my baby cry. To all those who have or are using this technique please don't take this as a judgment of your parental style or skills this is about me and what works at my home. In all reality I would love to just be able to leave Olivia and let her cry it out but it just makes me feel so horrible when I do. I have tried and failed many times at letting her cry it out. Usually I don't even last a whole minute.
So I guess the truth is that the most difficult part about being a mommy is struggling with finding the right parenting technique, along with balancing all the other struggles of parenthood.
Most recently we have started the discussion of when or if to have another one. My husband would like to have a son. I wouldn't mind having another one but as a military wife and a Navy wife in particular the birth of kids must be planned around when daddy will be able to be around to help. Especially with us being overseas it is important that I have some help since we are talking about a potential baby #2. So since my husband is on shore duty now would be the perfect time to have baby #2 otherwise we have to wait till the next shore duty which is about 7 years from now. The other issue that I struggle with is: I love Olivia so much, can I really love another child just as much? Can I be fair and treat them both equally? Can we afford to spoil a second child the same way we have spoiled Olivia so far? How can I divide my time and love for two children? Will Olivia be jealous of a new baby? Will she feel left out? How can I manage another child and still fulfill my career goals when we get back to the states?
Are these normal thoughts and questions? Will Kareem want to try for baby #3 if #2 is another girl? What will happen to Olivia if the pregnancy for baby #2 isn't as easy as my pregnancy with her? I don't want her to feel neglected because Mommy is struggling physically. I think I have just become paranoid. lol. I actually loved being pregnant and part of me genuinely misses it. Although nothing in me misses the recovery from giving birth. (Labor and delivery were short, sweet and painless...that is until it came time to stitch up my 3rd degree tear...dontThats the life of a Navy wife.
Well I am pretty sure thats all I got for today. Stay tuned for the next addition and let me know your thoughts. Especially if you have answers to any or all the questions I pondered today. Thanks to all who read my blog. Much Love.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)